So there is a quote: “What is not love is fear.”
It is super simplistic.
But. I am pretty much controlled by fear. It is the emotion to which I am most accustomed. There is literally nothing I am not afraid of, if you break it down. And it can all be distilled into:
- things changing
- things staying the same
- me changing
- me staying the same
I don’t know how to get past this. The overriding theme is that I feel a huge amount of ambivalence towards everything. I stay in limbo for so long in every situation that I just stop caring as a way to stop feeling uncomfortable.
I feel like my thoughts are incredibly mutable by outside forces, which would lead to me having none at all. But that is just a feeling, it is not the truth. In truth, I guess I have tons of deeply held opinions and ideas, but lack the will to force them onto others. I think it really might be more comfortable for me to be uncomfortable myself than to cause discomfort for others.
